Women Who Travel Podcast: What We Learn About Ourselves When We Travel Solo

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Solo travel is lauded as one of the most exciting ways to see the world—and for good reason. It's adventurous, eye-opening, unpredictable, transformative. But it can also be challenging and, at some points, a little lonely, even for the most experienced of travelers. Lale chats with Jessica Nabongo, who in 2019 became the first documented Black woman to visit every country in the world (89 of which she visited solo), about what she learned about herself during those travels. Plus, we hear from listeners about their own solo travel experiences in Laos, Havana, and more.

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Lale Arikoglu: Hello, I'm Lale Arikoglu, and welcome to Women Who Travel. A podcast for anyone who is curious about the world and excited to explore places both near and far from home.

Jessica Nabongo: So, not everyone needs to travel to [laughs] every country in the world. It's very expensive, it's very exhausting, but I do think, like, if there's places you want to visit, whether you're alone or you're with friends, put it on your list, book the ticket, and just go.

LA: If you're into the phenomenon of solo travel as much as we are on the show, then you know that it can be one of the most exciting, rewarding, and challenging ways to go traveling. There's a plethora of statistics all over the internet showing how the popularity of going it alone is continuing to soar especially among women who statistically travel alone more than men, particularly when it comes to finding ways of traveling for self care.

JN: So, I've been to 89 countries solo, and on every continent except for Antarctica.

LA: Today, I'm talking to someone who in 2019 achieved her quest to become the first recorded Black woman to visit every country in the world. Over half of which she saw on her own.

JN: So that, and a lot of people were like, “Oh my gosh, and you're Black. You're a Black woman traveling solo. What is that about?”

LA: For Jessica Nabongo, what started out as a love of travel and a curiosity to travel more became an opportunity to quit her nine to five lifestyle and turn herself into a professional traveler. I've chatted with her before on this podcast, but I wanted to catch up with her this side of the pandemic to find out if she was planning more explorative journeys.

JN: I definitely am missing the exploration. Now, so much of my travel is domestic in the US and it's for work. And, you know, I miss that explorative travel. Places I'm longing for are like Japan, Bhutan, you know, and just going back and getting out on the road for personal travels. I have really, really been missing that the last few months.

LA: The people who proselytize about traveling alone often make it seem so easy. But for most of us, it isn't. I want to do a bit of digging into who exactly gets addicted to journeying solo and why. Perhaps it's just easier for some personality types.

JN: Because I'm an extrovert, one of the best parts to me of solo travel is actually getting to know local people, because I feel like when I travel with friends or family, you know, you spend more time talking to the people you're with versus really digging in and building those relationships with local people.

LA: Obviously there are lots of introverts who also want to travel and have similar experiences to ones that you're talking about. What advice do you have for people who don't find it easy to talk to strangers and to kind of put themselves out there. And then also on the flip side, to be able top pull themselves out of conversations that maybe they don't wanna [laughs] be in.

JN: So, if you're an introvert, pretend that you're an extrovert and really just come outside of yourself in that way and that can help you, maybe to break down the barrier of anxiety or whatever and start to meet people, because the great thing is, when you're abroad, chances are you'll never see these people again. So you can say wild things, you can be whoever you wanna be and I think that's kinda the fun part of it.

The world is a relatively safe place. I think so much of what we're consuming right now makes us believe otherwise, but 89 countries solo and very few things have gone wrong, you know?

LA: Viewing things as glass-half-full, that seems to be a bit of a secret too. At the very least, it helps you get through preparation for a trip and maybe reduces some of that anxiety.

JN: I really would just encourage people, don't put so much weight on it because I think that's where people get stuck in the planning process 'cause they're putting so much weight on the idea. But just book the flight and go and just enjoy it and just focus on the enjoyment.

LA: In my experience, travel always feels more possible once you've had the opportunity to do it, or simply do it more. So perhaps its exposure to travel from a young age that can sometimes spur on those travel ambitions. We're not exactly all born with it.

JN: I, um, born in Detroit. My parents are from Uganda, and they love to travel. So from the age of four, I was traveling internationally. So by the time I finished high school, I had been to eight countries and one territory and I just kept going.

In 2008, I moved to Japan and it was my first time living abroad, and subsequently, I lived abroad for seven years. During that time, it was an opportunity to explore more of Asia.
In 2017, when I was in country number 60, which was Indonesia, I'd always wanted to visit every country in the world since my early 20s but it was in 2017 that I said, "Okay. I'm gonna finish visiting every country in the world by the time I'm 35." And what that meant was visiting 135 new countries in two and a half years. And I knew then, there was no way I was gonna be able to drag people [laughs] a- all over the world with me. I'd already done quite a bit of solo travel to that point and for me, it was about, okay, creating the spreadsheets and the documents and just mapping everything out logistically. And obviously you have to have the funds and you have to have some sort of knowledge of the world, but I want people to understand, like, it is something that is accessible.

I had to apply for 17 visas in total. I carried passports, an American and a Ugandan. And now, a lot of the places where I needed visas before, I wouldn't need visas now.

LA: Solo travel is certainly not easy. Certainly, there's red tape. So, how much easier does it get with practice? And what techniques are out there to cope with loneliness? The loneliness that comes with long layovers and early morning flights? Or the days you wake up and you can't remember where you are or what you're supposed to do?

JN: I tried to combat loneliness on the road by going down to the hotel bar or going out and, in a restaurant, instead of sitting at a table by myself, I'll sit at the bar so at least I can talk to the bartender or other people sitting there.

LA: When I first moved to New York I had no job and a lot of time on my hands, which means I dined alone frequently. This put me in good stead for my future travels, many of which I've done alone. And I've learned that eating solo can be sometimes [laughs] a lonely but often glorious experience. And it's a way of meeting people just like Jessica says, even the bartender, who's usually full of great tips. I once discovered one of my favorite dive bars ever, Santa's in Nashville through a chat with a bartender.

Coming up after the break we hear from a backpacking solo traveler. It's a way to travel that can lead you into finding comradeship in places like hostels or on long, long bus rides. But first, here's a dispatch from listener Margery Wilson, who took the plunge to do solo trip that she's always dreamed about.

Margery Wilson: I'd wanted to go to Cuba for a very long time. Aside from the politics of the place which intrigued me, I loved the music. The Buena Vista Social Club, the salsa rhythms, and I adore [inaudible 00:08:51]. And I'd heard they got the best coffee [laughs], and then it's the rum. What's not to like [laughs]? I was determined to go one day and see for myself. So when my 60th loomed, I thought, okay, it's time to seize the moment. I was happy to go solo. Before I went, I'd started to read The Island That Dared, by Dervla Murphy. And I never finished it. She, of course, is every female solo traveler's mentor. I think it's because I wanted my own version of Cuba. I didn't want to go on a tour, or stuck in a holiday resort. I wanted to meet and talk to people. Try to get a handle on the real Cuba. But I needed a bit of help, especially as, to my shame, I have virtually no Spanish.

I knew I couldn't just roll up there and see what happens. So, I set about searching the internet for someone to help me organize things. And luckily for me, I found a small company that could help me and give me contacts. And I think you definitely need these if you want to have an experience that reflects your interest in being there. Getting flights was easy, though [laugh] I'd forgotten about the visa, and so check that [laughs]. And when I arrived in Havana, it was just as I'd imagined.

You know, there are cars, there's murals of Che, music everywhere, and it's incredibly safe. I'd walk around at night by myself without a care and there are not many cities as a woman on your own where you can feel like that. One moment of drama was that a building very near to where I was staying suddenly collapsed, but I loved being in a city so teeming with life, yet, where you got woken up by the sound, not of traffic, but of the cockerels crowing. It was such a mix, and like nowhere else I'd ever been.

Everyone I met was eager to share their stories and invite me into their homes. So, I got to celebrate my birthday with people I've never met before, but who made me feel welcome. While I was in Havana, a hurricane hit. [laughs] It started while I was enjoying a mojito or two on a thatched rooftop terrace. The rain and the wind came in so quickly, so we all started heading for shelter and everyone was piling into taxis, overfilling them, and I was pulled into a stranger's knee. And I think sometimes not being able to speak the same language [laughs] can be bonus. Next day, we sat round the TV, the family I was with s- where I was staying, and, and we were absolutely shocked by the devastation. I'd got a bus ticket to go down to Trinidad and I wasn't sure if I'd still be able to go, but the Cubans are used to these inconveniences and I'd arranged in advance to do a trek on horseback, which I'd been really looking forward to, but due to the hurricane some of the route was blocked with trees or raging water. But luckily, my horse was valiant and my guide a gentleman. He took me to a place he knew in the middle of nowhere where we had a drink with the local people. And that was kinda special.

I did the tourist things too of course. I swam in Laona Beach that the homestead family took me to. It was just me and a few locals. I saw the cigars being made. I visited the amazing Vinales Region. I went to the Museo del Ron Havana, and the Museum of the Revolution. Both incredibly interesting and informative and within walking distance of centra Havana so it's easy to do. And had cocktails too at the Hotel National overlooking the Malecon. It was the perfect first trip. I only had 10 days but I packed it in, and it never felt rushed because, well, it's Cuba [laughs]. And I've got my own version of it now.

LA: If you're enjoying this episode of Women Who Travel, one of the best ways you can support the podcast is by leaving us a review on Apple Podcasts. We love to hear from you.

Sahara Rose de Vore is a listener who shared this intrepid story of solo travel on a budget.

Sahara Rose de Vore: So, one particular experience that I have, or memory that I have is going on a solo trip to Laos and Cambodia years ago when I was backpacking Southeast Asia.

I was headed towards the Thousand Islands in Laos and we were on a city bus and I didn't know where exactly I wanted to go but I met a lot of friends on the bus and they told me about an island called Don Det. We arrived really late at night, in the pitch black, in this very small town.

We bought a ticket and the lady walked us with a flashlight down to the river. It was pitch black and we got in this little wooden boat and chugged our, our way along a river. And it was a beautiful night sky. And we arrived on the island and we were asking around to see where we can stay and the island was completely dead because it was, everyone was asleep, it was middle of the night.

A man in a motorcycle came to us and said that he has a hostel. He's the owner of a hostel, but all his beds were full, but he has a friend who has a place with some beds who also runs a hostel, or a budget accommodation. I paired up with a friend so it wasn't that I was also staying alone in it. And it was a little hut and I've been in so many different destinations and staying in such wild types of accommodations that a hut wasn't anything that unfamiliar to me.

We woke up in the morning in this little hit, on the bungalow. We open up the door and it's the most beautiful scene of the Mekong River.

LA: As I've learned with my own travels, and a couple of dicey moments as a backpacker myself, making the right judgment calls on trip, making them in the moment, trusting your gut, as cliched as it might sound, can be crucial.

JN: I think so much of it is trusting your gut. You know as women we, luckily we have that intuition and you can trust that and know that the universe is conspiring in, in you favor and for your good.

LA: Jessica Nabongo is practiced at it, but that's not to say there hasn't been challenging and distressing moments. Listening to her speak, you can hear that she now chalks it down to experience and moves on fast.

JN: Just trusting that those people that are propping up, the taxi driver, the concierge, they're there at that time in your space for a specific reason.

LA: One thing that I always personally find difficult when I'm traveling is that I always want [laughs] every trip or travel experience to be like the best I've ever had and sometimes it's really hard to just let myself have the bad day and just acknowledge that maybe not everything is panning out as planned.

What's your advice for kind of sitting with that and overcoming it?

JN: So, one recent story. It was during my book tour and I was exhausted, and I had to go to Puerto Rico for my friend's vow renewal. Close friend, couldn't miss it. It's in the middle of tour stops. And so, I remember, I was leaving Chicago, I had to leave my hotel at like 4:00 am, and I was traveling through Atlanta to San Juan. It's 4:00 am, my brain is not functioning. I had two separate tickets and I forgot to tell them at check-in to put them together so my bag gets checked all the way to San Juan. Get to Atlanta, my bag is not checked through, pick up my bag, I miss my connection.

When I tell you I had a breakdown in the airport, I'm like, inconsolable. I'm crying. The people at the counter for Delta, they're like, "Are you okay?" I, I cannot, I'm literally, I can't stop crying. I, I cannot breathe 'cause I'm just like, oh my God. I'm so tired. I don't even wanna get on this plane. And now I have missed my connection and now I'm stuck in this airport for like three hours. And I'm like, uh. So finally, I, I had to walk away so that I could, you know, when you're crying [laughs] you just gotta breathe through it. And I go back and I'm like, okay. They put me on the next flight. And you know, I am trying to do deep yoga breathing and I get to the lounge, and I go and I take a hot shower.

I take a hot shower. I'm crying in the shower. A- but I'm calming myself down. You know, and I change, and then I go and I get nice little cocktail at the bar. And I'm like, it's okay.\

LA: Jessica's challenges weren't always solved by having a good cry in an airport lounge; a place that you're not always guaranteed to have access after all. There are some experiences from her travels that have taken her much longer to process.

Speaker 5: [inaudible 00:18:16].

JN: So, I had an amazing time in Pakistan. I think it was like country 193 or something. Very, very close to the end. I got to the airport again, it was like middle [laughs] of the night flight. It's like 2:00 in the morning. And security was tough on me and they pulled me to the side, they were going through all of my bags, like painstakingly. And I'm like, "Do you need help finding something?" And they're like, "No." So they send somebody else who's harassing me because I had flown into Islamabad, I was flying out of Lahore. They were asking me why. And I'm like, "I'm just trying to get back to the states." And they were asking me if I had another passport. They end up finishing that inspection, taking me to an actual physical x-ray. And I asked, like, "What is going on?" And they said, "Well, sometimes people keep the drugs in their stomach."

So they're thinking I'm a drug mule. I'm by myself. It's the middle of the night. I'm so upset and nervous and scared. And so we do the x-ray. And I'm like, okay. They let me go check in. I'm the last one to check in for my flight. And I am upset as you can imagine. There were these two guys that I had only seen at the Wagah border. I just saw them. And I saw them in the airport. So I go through security. And in Muslim countries, women go into like a box, a little room or whatever for security and I get in there and the woman gropes my vagina. And then makes me spread my legs and does it again. Again, I guess they're still looking for drugs. So at this point, I'm crying. And I'm just like, "I'm alone. I'm in Pakistan. I don't speak the language. I'm being violated. And I don't know what to do."

And so I came out and I'm like in tears, and I see these guys, and they see me. And they're just like, "Just come sit down with us." And they brought me juice and they brought me snacks. And it was one of those things where, again, for me, I rely on the kindness of strangers and that's how like I've made it through all of my travels. And that was the worst thing that has ever happened to me during my travels. Again, it was like, for me it was the kind strangers that helped me to like get past it.

And you know, I'm getting choked up right now 'cause it, it was so horrible and traumatic. But I think one thing when you're traveling solo is you still, you do have to rely on strangers. Like, no matter what, even if you're an introvert, sometimes you just find you have to rely on strangers and that was a moment where some strangers came through for me.

LA: I'm, uh, so sorry that you experienced that. Do you think if you hadn't had that chance interaction with those two kind men on the other side of security, that it would've been harder to keep going on your travels? Do you think they came at that moment to remind you that most people are good, most-

JN: Oh.
LA: ... most experiences are positive.

JN: For sure. For sure. Like, honestly, if they weren't there, first of all, I would've been like crying like a lunatic in the airport. Like I just think I would've been inconsolable. But it was, and it was, it was beautiful because like I said, that was one of the last countries I visited, right? And it's like, one of the last countries and one of the biggest hurdles, but it's a reminder of like, there's other things at play. And I do wanna say, like, despite that horrible experience with the authorities of Pakistan, I had an amazing time in the country, and I would absolutely 100% return to the country. And that experience was terrible, but it doesn't color my positive experience that I had while I was in the country.

And I think that's really important because we have to, as travelers and storytellers, we have to be clear about the experiences, and for me, one bad experience at some point in the trip can't take away from all the good.

LA: You were in so many different places, you faced so many different challenges and also, opportunities as a result of these travels. Who do you think Jessica was before you decided to make the commitment to hitting that goal? And who do you think Jessica is now?

JN: I think Jessica now is someone who lives very intentionally. Someone who is very aware that I am always in control of my life and what my life looks like. And someone who really understands and values the human spirit and the diversity of experiences and trying to remove value judgments of good and bad, and understanding the value is in the diversity. I think Jessica now is a constant student.

LA: I have to say, it's quite reassuring to know that you have traveled probably more than [laughs] most people in the world, and yet you still forgot to get your bag onto your second flight.

JN: [laughs]. 

LA: So, [laughs]- 

JN: Right.

LA: ... it's nice to know that we can screw up regardless of how much experience we have. But to that point, I think do you need to stick to plan to make a trip feel productive or are you open to the chaos and the unpredictability of letting things sometimes go a bit awry.

JN: Oh, I'm still open to the chaos. I love the chaos. I've never really been someone who likes to subscribe to plans. I'm super open to just letting whatever happen. So I love spontaneity and, you know, you meet people and you, I ask for recommendations and that, I sort of let that guide me, versus like having a prescriptive plan.

LA: What are some of those recommendations that have led you somewhere surprising?

JN: Well, when we were in Uidai Port in India, I love Indian food. One of my favorite cuisines and we had been in idea like three days and I just hadn't had good food. And so, I asked this guy who [laughs] like worked in the market and I was like, "Where can you recommend us for lunch? And I was like, I don't wanna see any tourists. I wanna go where you eat." So he sends us to this place, and obviously most Indians speak English, right? We went to a place where nobody spoke English. I was like, "Yes. This is perfect." And we were just pointing. And I did not touch the water in the carafe that they sent over, but the food was amazing. And so, you know, like, I think sometimes people get nervous, and they're like, oh, deli belly and all that. I never got sick on the road. Well once. But [laughs], um, that wasn't-

LA: I, I won't pry.
JN: ... but yeah [laughs].
LA: I won't ask you the, the gory details [laughs].

JN: I'm like, well... But you know what I mean? So, it was like trusting a local person and they know what good food is and so we ended up at this delicious restaurant where no one spoke English and we ate there twice 'cause it was so good.

LA: Wait, what did you eat?

JN: Some sort of chicken curry 'cause there was no English anywhere. I don't really know what it was, but it was [laughs] some sort of chicken curry and like, chapati [laughs].

LA: I made you laugh, I made you cry [laughs].
JN: [laughs] Right. This is a good catch up. It was an- 

LA It was-
JN: ... emotional rollercoaster [laughs].
LA: ... very overdue.

Thank you for listening. I'm Lale Arikoglu and you can find me, as always, on Instagram @lalehannah and follow along with Women Who Travel on Instagram @womenwhotravel. You can also join the conversation in our Facebook group.

Allison Leyton-Brown is our composer. Jennifer Nulsen is our engineer. Jude Kampfner from Corporation for Independent Media is our producer.

Next week, living and working abroad. For some people it's for a significant period, and others just for the immediate future. Sometimes living aboard can be indefinitely. So I ask what do you leave behind as well as what enriches you when you move?